David Perry of Shaftesbury Wines in Dorset has a persistent and sometimes pornographic problem with cold callers
As a business you have to answer the phone when it rings. You have to answer it pleasantly, expecting a customer.
“Hello. Shaftesbury Wines …”
“Hello sir, how are you today can I speak to the owner of the business this is John from Acme Gas & Electricity company you are paying too much for your electricity who is your current supplier we can save you 30% even if you have unpaid arrears …” Click.
“Hello. Shaftesbury Wines …”
“Hello sir, how are you today …”
This can happen up to a dozen times a day and has been going on for years. What on earth do they expect to get out of it? Initially I assumed it was some kind of fraud. Maybe if they know my current supplier or my meter number they can steal money or electricity. No, that can’t be it. Maybe they are testing my gullibility and if I pass, my number goes on a list for others to ring? Now, I think they are genuinely trying to get my business. That is never going to happen, is it?
I have tried all sorts of things to stop them ringing. Registering on the Business Telephone Preference Service makes no difference.
I have tried explaining that my electricity bill is so small (and we don’t have gas) that even a 30% saving would not compensate for the constant disruption. They don’t care. I have tried explaining that any commission they might earn would be vanishingly small. They don’t care. I have asked what I can do to stop them ringing me. Nothing apparently, other than giving them all my business and bank account details and first-born child.
Generally, if I’m busy, I just put the phone down. Often it will ring again immediately, wondering why we were cut off. Mostly, I am not abusive. I wait for them to take a breath and then say, firmly and slowly, “go away”.
Nothing works.
I used to play a game. I’d put them on loudspeaker and make the occasional incoherent noise while getting on with other stuff. Five minutes is the current record before they hang up. Sometimes, if I’m feeling mischievous, I will tell them they have rung the wine ordering hotline and could I have the delivery address and card details for our special summer case offer. I just keep repeating it until they hang up.
To be honest, if I’m up to my neck in it, and it’s my friends from the electricity call centre again, it can be a relief knowing that I don’t have to do anything other than hang up. I get a bit worried for them if they haven’t called for a week. Stockholm syndrome, I suppose.
I’d get a torrent of abuse calling me a liar along with some pretty impressive swearing by someone for whom English is not their first language
It is not always harmless, though. There was a period when it was quite abusive. I would get cross and say they had only just rung, always to be told that it was the first time. No, it isn’t. Then I’d get a torrent of abuse calling me a liar along with some pretty impressive swearing by someone for whom English is not their first language.
On one occasion I thought I would have some fun and when they asked to speak to the owner, I told them she wasn’t here. That resulted in some unpleasantness, so I asked if he had an issue with me working for a woman. In response I was told, quite graphically, what he would like to do to “my boss”, accompanied by pornographic sound effects. I put the phone down only for it to ring again immediately, as he was evidently just getting into the swing of things. That is certainly illegal but, as I had already suspected, outside the UK’s jurisdiction.
When I have had time on my hands I have tried to gather information and investigate further. I would ask which town they are calling from. It ranged from London, Manchester and Southampton to, unexpectedly, Rugby.
I have tried tracing the numbers. It tends to be a company renting large blocks of non-geographic numbers to call centres. Occasionally I engage in a polite conversation and ask exactly where they really are, what time it is and what the weather is like there. Some have been remarkably candid. One pleasant enough chap admitted he was based in Karachi, Pakistan. That narrows him down to over 20 million people. Getting any job at all must be a struggle in the world’s twelfth largest city.
Spurred on by this information, I dug a bit deeper online and came across a recruitment advert for energy call centre representatives in Karachi. Now I knew the region of the city and, roving around Google Earth, could take a good guess as to the actual building. That should spook them next time I can be bothered to engage. I might describe the area, ask which floor they are on and ask them to look out of the window to see if they can spot me waving at them.
I also found out the qualifications required – none. Well almost none. It requires basic English and a willingness to work UK hours. The pay looks quite good until you understand the exchange rate. The starting rate is PKR 19,000 and PKR 5,000 commission. That’s £49.50 basic and £13.06 commission. And that is per month! £750 a year, if they are lucky.
Now I am beginning to feel a bit of sympathy. But only until the bloody phone rings again.
