This is becoming a mini-series on why I don’t do all the extras that other places do. It may be because I’m of pensionable age and getting tired, or it may be that I don’t have to. Our occupancy costs are really low so just running a retail business lets us tick over quite nicely. I admire the thrusting young things who add wholesale, ecommerce and on-trade to their retail offer, but it is just not for me. It may be that I just don’t want to.

We have a space behind the shop which was a small courtyard, but is now a lot bigger. It makes me very happy. Anyone who gets the guided tour tells me I should open it up for people to sit in and drink my wines. I tell them I don’t want to, but they could sub-let it if they wanted to. They don’t want to but insist that I really should. 

I then have to explain that it would mean upgrading the outside “dunny” to include hot water, having somewhere to wash up glasses, change the licence, provide safe access rather than the crumbling steps accessed from behind the counter … the list goes on. I just want people to come in, spend money, maybe have a chat and then, importantly, go away again. I don’t want them to come and sit in my garden for an hour or so nursing a glass of wine. Would you let me come and have a drink in your garden? 

Who is going to run around after them and ensure they don’t wreck the place? Not me, I’m busy in the shop. I like to think I’m quite good at retail. I’m rubbish at waitressing, though.

We have a fantastic Fringe event in town every summer. It is now the third biggest in England after Manchester and Brighton. Not bad for a tiny town in north Dorset. 

We were heavily involved in the early years. Our tiny courtyard was jet-washed and planted with colourful perennials. We had outside electric points and lights installed. We erected a big gazebo and collected every outdoor chair we could find. We even utilised an antique French bench I had bought for its looks rather than its practicality. We blocked off the storage area and till and funnelled people out the back door and down the dangerous stone steps. 

We had two acts on the Friday night, three on Saturday and a couple on Sunday lunchtime. We provided glasses and corkscrews and encouraged people to buy wine and beer by the bottle as they came through the shop to drink in the courtyard, which is outside of the off-licence boundary. I figured that was no different to them buying it and drinking it at home or in the park. The licensing officer might have taken a different view.

It was good fun but exhausting. The smallest space: the hottest ticket. I estimated that we could safely accommodate about 20 people. At Friday’s first gig I counted 54. It was getting quite scary! Looking down I could see one keen fan standing in my hydrangea. Not on it or near it but in it, up to his waist. Why would you do that?

The French bench was sat upon by someone with an inappropriately large derrière. Needless to say it was wrecked – the bench, not the derrière.

Despite this and having to clear up and wash a lot of glasses, we did it again the following year and the one after that.

We did it because it is a fun weekend and we wanted to support the Fringe. In terms of profitability, it was probably break-even once you take into account two people on duty for extended hours. We sold a few extra bottles of beer and wine and quite a few “splits” of Prosecco. We could have made a lot more money selling a case of claret or Champagne to one customer, and it would only have taken one person about 10 minutes. Except those sorts of customers could not get near us during the Fringe events.

We support the Fringe by sponsorship now. We won’t participate again, not because it’s too much effort but because I don’t want people trampling the garden. Towards the end of the Covid period we took over the derelict piece of ground that had been attached to next door. So now the little courtyard opens up to a very much bigger garden. In that beautiful walled, south-facing space I have grown potatoes, onions, squashes and courgettes, lettuce, carrots, beetroot, tomatoes, beans, peas, a fig tree, gooseberries, blackcurrants, a josta berry and 40 grape vines in a bit of lawn. The grape vines are in their third season and are bearing fruit now.

I still occasionally show people around. They still say, “Oh, wow! You should get some tables and chairs and let people sit here and drink wine.”  No, I shouldn’t. 

This Fringe, I plan to go and sit in someone else’s garden.